I was helping out in the sushi department of the Royal Opera House box office as they were very busy. They called me back to the regular box office and as I was leaving a new guy asked if it was ok to have raw meat and raw fish on the same chopping board. I said when in doubt separate everything. As I was leaving the head of box office told me off for leaving a door open. I asked how was I supposed to know as I'd never been here before and he said that was no excuse I should know this by now. Interestingly, the sushi department of the Royal Opera House box office is based at the Barbican and I took the lift down. The interesting thing I remember about the lift was that it had no door which looked really spaceagey but I was aware that it could be dangerous for children.






I was trying to save the world from large killer rabbits. They were like the ones from that cartoon of Watership Down. Except it they weren't cartoons and pretty scary really. The strange thing was we were a little community of humans and rabbits living in peace and I had to dress up like a rabbit and hop down the hole of these evil rabbits to find out what they were up to. They had a human inside making complex war machines and he raised the alarm. I managed to get out and get all the little good rabbits out of the large mansion we were now in onto the roof. Because of course the evil rabbits couldn't survive in the sun. AlI the good little rabbits started to get hot in the sun and insisted on going back inside to certain death. I couldn’t save them! It was very distressing. Then I ran off and had to cross a river to save my life (water also fatal to evil rabbits). I couldn’t make it so I turned into a ladybird and crawled into a little hole to hide.






Last night my friend jason asked me to write a satire of britney spears in which she was about to drown because in reality she had been caught in a flood and some of her family had died. It seemed a bit of a cruel thing to satire to me.






I was being interviewed as part of some political TV program. The other men I was with one was 6'4" the other was 7'10" me being 5'1''ish we commented on how we were like a set of dolls, what do you call them, they sit inside each other and get progressively smaller? Anyway we thought it would be funny if the next person who joined the debate was even smaller. But the next was a female spirit without a head and we were disappointed.






I was prince William on the day of my coronation. The Queen was still alive but it had all happened very suddenly & I hadn't been told exactly what was going on. The Queen & Prince Phillip were very relaxed as they didn't have to do any more reigning and kept deliberately telling me the wrong things to do and then getting giggly. The ceremony took place on the balcony of Buckingham Palace which had been redone to look like a 60s concrete version of a roman villa. There were 1000s of onlookers (not well wishers) but these were all invisible to me behind the concrete window. The thing that surprised me the most was that you had to bathe first in front of everyone and were then crowned wearing a small white towel which was a bit too small to cover you properly. I bathed without a hitch and tried my best to emerge regally from the coronation pool. I was then at a loss as to what to do next. I walked past Prince Phillip and asked him what to do but he was having another fit of the giggles and wasn't much help. I went up some stairs and into the post-coronation reception. No one recognised me at first and would waft me away with their hands before suddenly coming to and realising I was their new sovereign. And then they'd be sycophantic and overly pally. It was then I understood how important good friends must be if you're royalty. Or even if you’re just a bit famous.